Its almost 4:30 am. And i have slept for precisely 4 hours in the past 44. But the amazing thing is that I dont want to sleep. im not feeling sleepy. I'm certain I can watch two movies back to back from the many I had kept on hold during the exams.
How come when I had exams, staying awake took the entire effort. No more energy left for studies. So I should have gone to sleep. But that was what I was avoiding in the first place....
Thats a different story and this one has its roots there. This marathon staying awake period left me wondering what was my motivation of staying awake for this long? I did not have anything do. Was getting bored the entire time. No more handouts and slides to go through. No more books to read from cover to cover in 6 hours. In short, my exams are over (And I finish my first year in Hel(L) with that).
So was it the lack of any specific thing to do that kept me awake? Or was it the euphoria of having sustained an entire year of the daily grilling? Or was it simply a force of habit? The more dramatic responses from my overly sleep deprived mind says it might be some medical complication. My next door neighbour (who, btw has also been awake for about the same time as I) says its the Moon. Tides. Vampires. Harry Potter and Vodemort.
I some how have a different take on this than the more obvious once. Imagine you are asked to sit in the same seat for an year. You are asked to read books. You are expected to read books. Finally, you are made to read the books. You are given a schedule. You have to follow the schedule. Its a big bad restrictive world. End of year, end of schedules. I have already put most books in a box and sent it to the bottom of the Spartan well (Ref. 300). I am my own decision maker once more.
Its simply a matter of (here im beaming with pride, mostly because I remember something from the IR classes) "Free Will". I have the capacity to decide when I sleep (or rather till when I dont). This notion of having control over my life, in my case for full 2 days, has given me enough motivation to go ahead and make use of everything I have. Not having found anything better to do, I am now writing this blog entry after a gap of more than 2 months.
I looked around on the net and found many interesting things related to this. Google, for example, is such a great organization because it gives its developers the freedom to do what they want, when they want and how they want it to be done. OK atleast there is an illusion they have the decision in their hands. This is the stage when most of the creative and the mind boggling ideas come out.
I will continue this though in more details later. Right now, I feel like having a nap :)
Good Night, and Good Luck.
